Death after Life
by lizzyswan
Summary: Bella chose to die, and Jake wasn't there to save her. "The impact of the water hit me like a hammer, and the cold icy-ness cut through me like a knife as  I was pulled down to the bottom of the ocean.  I didn't try to fight it."
1. Chapter 1

1. I can't take it anymore

I stood at the edge of the cliff looking down.

I told myself that I needed to do it soon, before I rescued my senses, which would tell me exactly how stupid I was to do this.

To jump.

At the moment my body was dislocated from the 'smart' part of my brain.

Yeah, right.

Maybe the smart thing was to jump.

After all, he wasn't coming back.

He told me himself.

It hurt even now, now that I knew the pain would be over so very soon; it hurt to even think of him.

I turned my mind back to where I was.

I wonder how long would it take for me to reach the water?

Only one way to find out.

As though in slow motion, like when you jump off a diving board at a swimming pool, I jumped.

The impact of the water hit me like a hammer, and the cold icy-ness cut through me like a knife as I was pulled down to the bottom of the ocean.

I didn't try to fight it.


	2. Chapter 2

2. What have I done?

By the time my body had reached the bottom, I was dead.

Wait, how did I know that?

Wow.

I saw myself, on the bottom, but I was here, above me, watching the water push my hair around.

Am I like, a ghost?

Cool.

The part about being a ghost, not the part about being dead.

So I stayed with by body for awhile then I decided to go back up.

Soon I was on the beach.

Oh no.

Jake was there, calling my name.

I walked right up to him and tried to talk to him, to tell him I was sorry, but he couldn't hear me.

Oh right, I told myself, you're a ghost, people can't hear you.

Nice, smart one.

Then Sam came running towards Jake.

His expression was grave.

"We found her car, Jake." Jake's eyes widened.

"Right near the top of the cliff." "No... She wouldn't..." Jake whispered.

I tried to hug him, but I just went though him.

Yep, I'm officially a ghost.

Poor Jake.

I hope he knows it wasn't his fault.

He made the pain in my chest a little lighter for awhile, but I still couldn't handle it.

At that moment, looking at Jake's face, I felt really selfish.

He had loved me.

And I just let that go.

I could have just tried harder.

For him.

We could have made it work.

We could have had a happy life together.

He (you know who I mean) would just have been a sad, unpleasant memory.

I had just about ruined his life.

He had loved me.


	3. Chapter 3

3. Why?

I watched as they found my body at the bottom of the ocean.

It looked already like I had been dead for almost a day.

Maybe I had been.

It's so hard to tell time without a clock.

And when you can't see the sun.

And when you don't need to sleep.

Life would be from now on, a long endless day.

Wow, I just had an out-of-body experience.

No kidding.

My body was deathly (no pun intended) pale, my hair knotted and tangled.

Jeez, I looked horrible.

I couldn't look at Jake when he saw my body.

I knew his face would be so sad; I could bear to look at it.

I watched as they broke the news to Charlie.

He took it pretty badly, but what was I to expect?

He was my father after all.

I watched my funeral.

It was so sad.

Everyone was crying.

But what did I expect?

I died after all.

After a couple of days, I began to wonder.

What would I do, as a ghost?

Obviously, since people couldn't hear me, I couldn't shout "Boo!"

After awhile I just took to following around Jake.

He still cried, even after my father's tears subsided.

I felt so bad.

I wish I could have just a minute to tell him what I was thinking when I made my choice.

Why I decide to kill myself.

But now, I am not sure exactly why.

I left so much behind, Jake, my friends, and my family.

And not even dying has destroyed the pain I once felt and do still feel within my heart, although It does not beat.

I wish I don't have a heart.

Then perhaps I could escape the spell he put on me.

But then, maybe not.

I ace for him with my whole being.

Perhaps I will never stop loving him.

After all, he was once my life.

I loved him.

But I don't have him anymore.

And now I have no life.

How hideously ironic.


	4. Chapter 4

4. Search for the undead

After a while, weeks later, I thought of an idea.

Maybe I could search for him.

I soon set out for Alaska.

It didn't take me that long.

After all, I am a ghost.

The Cullens were not there.

I decied to live with the Denali family for awhile, hoping that they would be in touch with the Cullens.

Perhapes I could get a lead from that.

After all, they were family.

And family sticks together, right?

Well, that would mean I was never one of the Cullen family, because they abandoned me.

Well then, real familys stick together.

And sure enough, after a couple of weeks, they called the Cullens.

They asked her where Edward was.

Apparently they weren't together.

I also learned that the Cullen family was in Canada.

Soon I was on my way, towards the Cullens.

Months later, I finally found them.

After all, Canada is huge.

They seemed sad, depressed.

Maybe they missed me.

No, I told myself, they left you.

They must miss Edward.

Why was he away from the rest of the family?

It didn't add up... oh well, I'll find out evenually.

After all, I had forever.

And so did they.


	5. Chapter 5

5. What now?

They never mentioned where Edward was.

I wonder where he is.

Maybe they didn't know.

Oops, yes, Alice would know.

The future-seeing pixie.

I wonder why she didn't see me die.

It's not something you can just brush off.

Maybe she stopped watching me when they left.

Perhaps they simply didn't care.

But they seemed nice, did they not know what would happen if he left?

What did they think would happen?

That I would go skipping into the sunset with someone else, with Edward just a pleasant memory?

He was my life.

When I killed myself, I was mentally already dead.

Just finishing the task that was started oh, so long ago by him.

Everyone knew that I was just a hollow shell of what I had been.

Like the shadow I used to cast.

After he left, my life had no meaning anymore.

One day, my waiting paid off.

Alice called Edward.

But it was a short conversation.

She said something about the Volturi.

How he better not go there, or she would drag him back.

The Volturi interested me.

I wondered what it was.

But it probably didn't matter.

I decided that since I didn't know where Edward was, I might as well go to Italy.

My staying here was doing no good.


	6. Chapter 6

6. Wait, what?

I set off as soon as I decided to go.

I don't need to bring anything with me after all.

I flew (yeah I _flew_) across the country.

Once I reached to ocean, I wasn't sure what to do.

Could I just float over it?

I hesitantly tried, and found with surprise that I could.

It was actually kind of fun.

I knew this was going to take a long time.

So I tried to find something to think about.

Thinking...

Thinking...

STILL THINKING...

Why couldn't I find of anything to think about.

I was so bored.

I wished there was someone to talk to...

...

Wit, why wasn't there?

I suddenly noticed that I had been alone this whole time.

Why weren't there other ghosts here?

Was there a reason that I was alone?

Was I doomed to watching everyone, with nothing better to do?

Shouldn't there be any other ghosts?

Why hadn't I seen any other?

I was depressed at the thought.

Not that I wasn't already depressed.

...

Oh, hey, I was on land again.

Cool.

I didn't think that it would be this short.

Now, how do I get to Italy?

The answer was actually very simple.

I found a person reading a newspaper.

Oh.

I was already in Italy.

Cool.

That was simple.

I wandered aimlessly around for a time.

Italy wasn't much more exciting than the US.

Sigh.

I suddenly looked up; there was a giant wall in front of me.

What was that for?

And there was something that happened that I doubt I will ever forget.

"Hey, you. Who are you?"

Someone was talking to me.


	7. Chapter 7

7. A ghost's life

I turned.

There was another ghost there.

"Um, I'm Bella..."

She seemed to realize something, and her face softened.

"Oh, you're a newbie, aren't you?"

I nodded.

I think she meant newly-dead.

"Well, Bella, I'm Didyme."

"Why are you the only ghost I've seen so far?"

It felt weird saying 'ghost'.

"Well this is the way it goes. Well, this is the way someone explained it to me, at least. But I think its right. So, first, you die. Then, there a three options. You go to heaven, hell or stay as ghost."

I interrupted.

"But how is it decided?"

"I'm getting to that. So, if you've lead a bad life, you go to hell. The end. If you've lead a pretty good life, you sometimes go to heaven. But, here's the thing; if your mate hasn't died, you don't go to heaven."

"Why?"

"Because heaven wouldn't be heaven without them, understand?"

I nodded.

She resumed talking.

"So, you have to wait until they die. Are you a regular, or..."

"What do you mean by that?"

"What is your mate?"

"Well, he's a vampire, but he told me he didn't love me."

"What's his name?"

"Edward Cullen"

"Him? Of course he loves you. He's actually here at the moment."

"What?"

"Yep. But because he's immortal, you're going to have to wait a _long_ time."

"Oh, that stinks."

"You're telling me. I've been waiting for millions of years."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's OK. I check on him once in awhile, the living are pretty interesting. By the way, what's your name?"

"Bella Swan, eh? Well Bella, let me be the first to welcome you to Italy."


	8. Chapter 8

8. The wonders of Italy

"Um, thanks..."

"Come on! I'll show you around. It's been _forever_ since we've had a newbie."

Somehow, I didn't think she was kidding.

She brought me inside the walls (no gate needed).

The city itself was gorgeous.

But when we came to the castle, I stopped short.

She asked with a wry smile,

"It's really something, isn't it?"

I could only nod.

She sighed.

With a wistful glance at the castle, she resumed talking.

"I used to live there..."

I blinked.

She had lived there?

She seemed to guess my thoughts.

She continued,

"And that's where my mate lives now."

She turned back to me.

"Wanna go inside?"

She asked with a grin, her sadness fading.

"Sure."

Her attitude was effecting me.

It had been so long since I had smiled.

I looked around the room.

At the end, there were three vampires sitting in elaborate thrones.

"There he is..."

"Your mate?"

"Yep. Marcus. The one on the left."

She sighed again.

After a minute of gazing at him, she seemed to shake herself and turned to me.

"You said you're mate was Edward Cullen?"

"Well, that's what I thought... Like I said, he didn't love me."

"And like _I_ said, he really does."

"Huh?"

"He's been here, saying his mate is dead. He still loves you."


	9. Chapter 9

9. Edward?

I knew my mouth was hanging open, but I couldn't remember how to close it.

"N-no way."

"Yep. You wanna see him?"

Of course I did.

Surely the hole within me couldn't get any bigger.

Who knows, maybe this would help.

But most likely not, as he wouldn't know I was there.

I sighed, and followed her, my dreary mood settling in again.

She took me through the castle walls, pausing to tell me about this room or that priceless piece of art.

Finally, we got to where Edward was.

I could hear his breathing.

I couldn't wait any longer.

I burst through the door.

And burst into ghost-tears.

His clothes were dirty and tattered.

His eyes were as black as coal and as hard as flint.

He glared at the floor, eyes narrowed.

There were twigs in his hair, and that beautiful face I loved was smeared with dirt and blood.

He panted, as though out of breath.

It made me shake in sadness to see the way he hurt.

What was left of my heart fell away.

I had been longing to see him, but it was almost worse, seeing him this way.

In such a state.

"It's horrible, seeing him like this, isn't it?"

I could only nod.


	10. Chapter 10

10. Blood and tears

I hated to see him this way.

I sobbed, trying to run to him.

But I went right through.

"It's horrible, isn't it? Marcus was like this for awhile. But it's easier now, because he isn't so sad anymore... No happiness, no sadness, no feeling..."

She whispered to herself, trailing off.

But I wasn't listening.

Because someone had just knocked on the door.

"Edward?"

A voice called.

"What?"

Edward said in a bare whisper, his voice rough with emotion.

"Aro would like to see you."

Suddenly, Edward's face changed.

An expression of raw hope crossed his impossibly beautiful face.

"Tell him I'm coming."

Edward called back.

But I didn't like the new expression much better.

It gave him a cruel face, the desperation still obvious.

His eyes glinted the darkest black as he jumped up from the bed.

He rushed to the door, eagerly moving with impossible speed.

I rushed after him.

Didyme had a worried expression as she followed me.

Edward led us to the throne room.

The three regal brothers were there.

Edward bowed to them.

"Speak."

The middle vampire said.

I had a bad feeling.

And then, Edward spoke.

"I wish to die."

11. Love and death


	11. Chapter 11

11. Love and death

Didyme and I exchanged looks of horror.

The men on the thrones had different responses.

Two of the men showed mild surprise, while the dark-haired Marcus seemly looked bored.

Didyme had explained why.

She said that Marcus had no interest in this life anymore.

She said the only reason he had not fallen into despair, not unlike Edward's, was his sense of duty.

He wished to rule the vampires, making sure that they obeyed the rules.

He stays for his brothers.

But I could sense the longing for Didyme, who had disappeared from his life so long ago.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye.

There were vampires circled around the room, red eyes gleaming in the gloomy setting.

A small girl had leaned forward.

I didn't like the look in her eyes, nor the hint of a smile curving her lips upward.

But then the vampire talked, and she became still.

"Why, young vampire?"

Asked the one in the middle, who must have been Aro.

"My mate has died. I have no reason to live anymore."

Aro raised his eyebrows.

"Such a shame..."

Aro murmured.

Then, in a louder voice, he spoke at a normal tone, yet with a regal ring to it.

"It shall be considered."

Edward bowed, noting the dismissal in Aro's tone.

He walked out the door, a smile playing on his lips.

"No way."

I said in a strained voice.

"He can't want to die!"

I pleaded to Didyme.

She didn't bother answering.

We both knew she couldn't do anything.

That _I _couldn't do anything.

He wanted to die.

12. Endless night


	12. Chapter 12

12. Endless night

Didyme and I went back to the room, following Edward.

He sat back down on the bed.

He looked up at the ceiling as though praying.

But I knew that couldn't be true.

Edward didn't believe in God.

He didn't believe that there could ever be anything more for him.

I knew better.

But, alas, I could not tell him.

It seemed as if time was not passing.

For both Edward and I.

We each checked the clock a million times that night.

Both of us waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

For the same reason, yet so different.

We were waiting for the verdict.

He wanted them to grant his request, while I was begging anyone who was listening that they would refuse.

And then, it came.

A vampire, one I had not seen before, came to Edward's room.

"Aro will see you now."

He left without waiting for a reaction of any kind.

Edward slowly got up, and walked towards the door.

We followed.

What else could I do?

I was forever grateful that Didyme had stayed with me throughout this.

We barely knew each other, yet she had stayed with me.

She acted as though we had always been the best of friends.

I didn't understand why she was doing this, but this certainly was not the time to ask why.

Edward bowed again when he got to the throne room.

"We have decided. We have decided not to grant you your request. We do have an offer, though."

Edward waited.

"We would like to offer you a place here. You have a great talent, and it should not be wasted."

I didn't listen to what he said after he rejected Edward's offer.

They weren't going to kill him.

13. Decisions, Decisions


	13. Chapter 13

13. Decisions, Decisions

Edward stiffened.

He was almost angry.

But he kept it well hidden.

I think I was the only one who noticed.

I think even Didyme overlooked it.

But I saw it.

Because I knew the expression so well.

Because I knew _him_ so well.

I sighed.

Didyme looked at me, asking a silent question.

But I shook my head.

I couldn't share this with her.

It was too pathetic.

_I_ was too pathetic.

"No thank you, Aro. But I appreciate the offer."

Edward's words rang through my head and I was pulled out of the past.

"Oh well then..."

Aro said as though he were really disappointed.

But Edward knew as well as I did that Aro was more than disappointed.

Much more.

Suddenly, I heard something.

Talking.

Laughing.

And more importantly, human voices.

Both Edward and Aro lifted their heads, also hearing the humans.

I heard the door open.

The voices grew louder.

"It would be best if you left now, Edward."

There was a look in his eyes.

A strange look.

And suddenly, I recognized it.

"Of course."

Edward walked quickly to the other door, walking slightly faster than a human, in his haste.

He had to keep up human appearances.

His speed increased.

But neither he nor I had gotten to the door before the screams sounded.

14. Ideas


	14. Chapter 14

14. Ideas

All those people...

All those people...

Dead.

"H-how can they do that?"

I demanded of Didyme.

"How can they have a-all those people walk in and k-kill them all?"

I started sobbing.

I had been upset before, but nothing like this.

I was a total mess.

For awhile, Didyme did not answer.

She just stood there, smoothing my hair.

She didn't respond my question until I asked it again.

"It is our way of life. I was once a vampire. But now I am little more than spirit..."

She trailed off.

"But how can you kill them? All those people?"

I asked, looking up at her.

"As I said. It is their way of life. It was once mine."

"But, you don't _need_ to kill to live. The C-Cullens eat animals."

"It is our way of life."

She repeated,

"They are _vampires_. Vampires drink blood. Human blood."

"But they don't need to..."

Didyme stared at me, uncomprehending.

She did not seem to understand.

Didyme seemed like a very nice ghost, but obviously did not see it my way.

The Cullen way.

I sighed.

"Agree to disagree?"

Didyme suggested.

"Yeah..."

We were interrupted by a slam that pushed our argument right out of my head.

It came from Edward's room.

He was punching the wall.

He growled at nothing, and glared at the floor.

I just watched him.

He paced around the room, muttering to himself.

I couldn't understand it, and when I glanced at Didyme, she shrugged.

She didn't know either.

Time went by...

15. Time


	15. Chapter 15

15. Time

I stood there motionless.

How long had it been?

Hours?

Days?

It was a second it was a lifetime.

But then, he came to a halt.

A smile crossed his lips, but it was not a happy smile.

It was not the one I had been longing for.

Edward jumped out the window.

I followed, Didyme on my heels.

We ran out of the city (it was night).

Into the woods we went.

It was exquisite.

If I had been able to enjoy it.

I didn't even glance at it, all my attention solely on Edward.

Soon we came to a river.

I braced myself to jump, but Edward just plunged himself in.

The water pushed and pulled at him, but he did not move a muscle.

After a whole minute, he came out.

He shook himself, and wiped the water from his face.

His beautiful, clean face.

His body was no longer dirty; it was once again smooth, and faintly glimmering in Dawn's early sunlight.

His hair, although still matted, was free of dirt and dried blood.

And, then, he began to run.

Back from where we had just come.

What could I do?

I followed.

Edward ran faster than he had come here, faster than I had ever seen him run before.

He took an early jump, and landed on the top of the wall surrounding the city.

I floated right through the wall.

I looked around, but Edward was still perched on the wall.

And then he was in motion again, a blur of color.

There were more people than before, but Edward did not spare them a glance, nor did he slow his steps.

But I saw them.

They were standing in the streets, talking and laughing.

And they were all dressed the same.

Red cloaks, that trailed on the ground, with large hoods that left their faces in shadow.

Suddenly, Edward stopped, so quickly that I almost past him.

He stood underneath a clock tower.

It was almost noon now, the sun high in the sky.

He was totally in the shadow, all but invisible to the people in the street.

But not to me.

He took off his shirt, and faced the crowd.

Off in the distance, almost so far that I could not see them, were three members of the guard, watching Edward.

But they were moving closer every second.

I didn't like the look on their faces, anger, hatred, envy.

The clock chimed noon.

Edward closed his eyes, and smiled faintly.

Edward moved towards the crowd.

And the three of the Volturi moved towards Edward.

16. Love in death


	16. Chapter 16

16. Love in death

"No!"

I screamed.

They couldn't do it.

They just couldn't.

Edward must live.

But my voice did no good.

Even if they could hear it, they would most likely not listen.

How could the world be so cruel?

Why would they be that mean enough to do that?

The world needed Edward.

How would the world continue to exist without him?

For surely the very earth would miss his presence.

Wouldn't every person feel the loss?

Couldn't they feel my pain?

It was spilling out of me, too much of it to hold.

I closed my eyes.

I couldn't watch as they dragged Edward into the shadows.

I could hear the sounds, and the muffled sounds of pain.

He was trying to be quiet, for the sake of the people in the square.

Even now, as he was dying.

I saw the light of the fire from underneath my eyelids, even though I squeezed them tight.

_No no no NO!_

This can't be happening!

I couldn't bear it anymore.

I ran, with my hands over my ears.

I could hear Didyme calling, but I kept running.

I couldn't stop.

Not even for her.

I ran out of the city, into the forest.

I suddenly stopped.

Here was the river that Edward had cleaned himself in.

I jumped, wishing I could drown in the water.

17. The heart's desire


	17. Chapter 17

17. The heart's desire

I was still in the river when I heard her voice.

"Bella? Bella?"

She called.

I wish that I could answer her, but I could not.

"Bella!"

She gasped.

She had found me.

I pulled myself out of the river, slowly, as each movement pained me greatly.

But I was still the same.

All my pain was inside.

"Um... Bella?"

Didyme asked.

"Yes?"

I looked up.

But what was there was not at all what I had expected.

There were two people standing in front of me.

"E-Edward?"

I asked, shaking.

And so it was.

There was my Edward, standing next to Didyme.

He looked at me, just as I looked at him.

"Edward?"

I asked again.

My voice was hollow.

But, there was a little hint of hope.

He was looking at me.

He nodded in response to my question.

It was really him.

And he could see me.

He was a ghost.

One moment, I was standing there, just looking at him.

The next, I was in his arms, and he in mine.

He seemed even more surprised than me.

"Bella?"

He asked, unsure of himself.

"But... You're dead?"

His uncertainty made his statement a question.

I sobbed into his shoulder, my words muffled.

I didn't know what I was saying, and neither did he.

But it did not matter.

Nothing did.

For Edward was here, and I was complete.

Didyme was looking at us, a smile on her face.

She knew that this would happen.

She had told me of it.

And now, I had Edward.

He was mine forever.

We explained the situation to Edward.

I could not help saying "I told you so" more that once to him.

"So? Are you ready?"

Didyme asked.

"For what?"

Didyme rolled her eyes at me.

"Are you ready to go? Did you forget what happens next?"

She replied.

Oh, right.

It was time to go.

To heaven.

I could not say anything, so I just nodded.

"How will it happen?"

Edward asked for me.

"Well, it's hard to explain... You've noticed that you can fly, yes?"

We nodded.

"Well... You just keep going up."

"That's all?"

"Yeah. If I tried to leave, it wouldn't work, but it will for you."

"I'll miss you."

I choked out.

Because I would.

She smiled, and waved her hand.

"Bye!"

She said.

We began to float upwards, as Didyme stayed on the ground.

"Bye!"

Edward called.

Edward grasped my hand in his.

I looked up to the sky.

"Good-bye."

I whispered to Didyme.

We were far away, but I knew she heard me.

Good-bye.

THE END

**So? How did you like it? There won't be a sequel, sorry.**


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